Another young man in dire need of a good apartment cleaning
This is not a blog post. This is a public service announcement.
This PSA is for all those parents who have sons living in the city. Let’s not sugarcoat this: your son is most likely living in a world of filth. This is especially true if your son is a recent college grad, frat boy, art history major, musician, LARPer, bachelor, or all of the above. He needs our help. Desperately.
This is not to say that he’s a bad person, or that he lacks character, it’s just that, look, he probably barely knows how to clean himself, let alone his apartment. Even if, hypothetically, he is able to clean his apartment, we’re highly skeptical that he’s actually willing to try.
We know that you probably don’t want to think about this. You want to ignore the fact that his tolerance level for filth, grime, and general grossness is roughly 100x greater than yours. It’s okay. Sometimes we all just have to face facts, and we hope that the following examples make the truth impossible to ignore.
We don’t want to assume anything, but, chances are that there are so many crumbs on the floor that, if you were to walk barefoot in the living room, you would pick up dozens of week-old food particles on the soles of your feet.
Chances are that the dust bunnies under his couch are breeding rapidly and have formed a small colony. A tribe, if you will.
Chances are that, if your son spilled Ragu while making pasta months ago, he comes into the kitchen every morning, looks at the stain on the stovetop, and just accepts it as part of his natural habitat.
Chances are that the inside of the refrigerator is growing so many different kinds of mold that it’s more of a science experiment than a place to store food.
It’s entirely possible that there are a minimum of 5 pizza boxes littered around the living room, each containing multiple ossified pieces of crust that are hard enough to play the drums with.
Then there’s the bathroom. Oh, the bathroom. It’s a proven fact that most young men believe that toilets magically clean themselves. Okay not really, but they definitely act as if they believe in magic toilets.
And this is before even touching the subject of roommates. We’ll have a whole different PSA addressed to that. Let’s just say that the problem of the commons is alive and well in young men’s apartments across the city. It’s well documented that, in some cases, filth is even used as a means of psychological warfare.
Listen, again, this is not about his character. We’re sure that your son is a good person. This is reality. The dirt, dust, and grime is accumulating as we speak. The time to act is now. For their sake. We’re here for you.
Your Friends at Myclean